Old friends


Sometimes reconnecting with the friends in your life holds something so precious. Like a precious hour with a cup of tea, staring out in the garden, mesmerized and captivated by the motion of the Wind playing with the leaves on the branches in those tall trees, I love so much. I can stare at it for hours, enjoying time spent like this, and though I realize some may say it is time wasted, to me it is precious time spent. An old friend of mine told me that the Masai people will suddenly sit down, seemingly in the middle of a run, just to make sure their spirits catch up with their bodies. However long it or short it may take. I don't know if that is true, but I often think about that. Fascinated by that. Finding it relevant.

It is in these precious slow hours I seem to let my spirit catch up and sort out and filter through the events of late, let them disappear or be forever stored somewhere inside. Perhaps they will make for a story later on, or they will serve as that sting of longing of eras gone by at a much later time, when I will be looking back on my life and remember the times of studying archaeology. I will connect that feeling with this scent, with this hour in my armchair, in my room looking out at this garden, this summer, and I will bring back to the forefront of my memory exactly that. I will be bringing back the moment like a wrapped present I saved for myself and opening it I will laugh, heartedly, knowing how much of an illusion time really is, laugh at that trick being played upon us.

It will be one of those jokes you have all to yourself, most likely to hit you, standing in line at the supermarket, and everyone will turn around looking at you bursting into snorting laughs seemingly out of the blue, and they will think you are a little weird, but you will still have the most fun with life and its little quirks and plays it has with you. Like a secret you share with an old friend.

I called my old friend yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. She reminds me of the days, back when I knew I realized I did no longer care of what everyone thought of me- she reminds me of the gratitude I felt when we met, finally there in the crowd of people feeling like never belonging and being alienated and strange, lonely, staring into the crowd, into their eyes never recognizing any kinship, only to have them stare back and so obviously knowing everything they were thinking, so sensitive, so intuitively picking up on the whispering behind my back, the ridicule and being made fun of, the painful day in day out life- until one day a pair of eyes full of light, full of curiosity, full of soul mate alignment looking back and locking eyes with her, having suddenly all skies start sounding, music playing in the heart, feet finally touching the ground and there I would stand in that place that was finally solid. It was a special day for a 13 year old kid.

She reminded me how we became then untouchable. Immune to their negative thoughts, careless, because they could pick on us all they wanted, what did we care, knowing our best friend has got our back? Just walking away from that now you had somewhere to go- someone to share with.

I am reminded that we- she and I- never grow old, even though we talk about it. That we are growing old(-er). But, we are the same. Like a center that remains the same, unchanged, though so changed by life and events we manage to still cut right through to the core of what we are together.

This is the best deal for friendship that is true- you don’t have to see each other all the time, you can not see each other for months, because you know life has you- with children, processing of all kinds, people dying, people getting sick, you getting sick, you getting better, grief, pain, sorrow, joy, life cycles, but you know they are there- and that you can pick up on each other and just instinctively know, that whatever happened from when you last spoke, there is love, kindness, trust, interest, compassion and everlasting connection – and you never have to excuse yourself, explain or feel obligated.

I have a few friends like that. That I am grateful for. Blessed with. Because I too often walk among people who look like a grey mass to me, and I realize now as an adult, much like when I was a child, I am still exactly the same within even if the without looks somewhat changed- I still feel alienated, strange, weird and awkward. The kids at school look at me exactly the same way as they did back in the 80ies, and I at them. Mutual mirroring the same thought- ‘I don’t get you’ – and it still makes for a lonely part of life, but knowing why now, I am fine this way. I don’t need or want anything from that grey mass. I have my tribe, and more importantly I have all of me in all kinds of worlds and realms they will never see.

How are those things with you? Do you have all of you? Do you have your old friends? Or your tribe? If not perhaps it is these days in these emotional times where time is disintegrating and you need to know yourself as something other than just a human being you need them the most. Then it is now to call them in. Or give that old true friend of yours a call. Just to see how they’re doing, and by knowing them knowing yourself.

​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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