A year ago

June 29, 2019

He taught her so many precious things in that time of separation.
Looking back she knows from her Heart, it was a force stronger than him, that made it possible, but also made it happen.

She learned that the Heart speaks louder than the Mind. The pain carried didn’t belong to them, and thus it could be untangled, released, shed. 
To live and be here. How natural bodies carried her, loved her, held her in that space where she was utterly lost and needed to be found. Solace found by the Sea staring at infinite Blue, or in the Forest with the clever beings in flowers, hugging a Tree-friend, feeling the Wind caressing her and sleeping under the Stars.

That among those with capacity for love, true friends who sat by the Fire physical and metaphorical at night with her, she was held and seen and thus moved away from the pattern where she was being a threat to people’s own potential triggers, casting light on their own darkness causing power struggles, ridiculous envy or even denial, projection and blame. She learned she had had it, finally, and decided to be in love instead. No more drama. No more pain- but that that decision ultimately has to be chosen and acted upon accordingly.

She learned to trust and have faith. She learned journeying through all that to become the SHE, she lost so long ago, because she identified with someone else’s idea of her-the programming, the being told what was wrong with her, and what was right with her- until she became a controlled, wronged, shamed little robot that staggered around in a system, she never felt she fit in or belonged to, and it made a complete alien and stranger of her. A system of being productive and busy, always rushing because efficiency and time apparently mattered. 
Estranged.

He taught her to come home, to decide to choose to return to love. To be. No one’s daughter. Just the soul, that decided to do this life. To be here. With these destinations. With these abilities. With this potential. With this limitation. And be ok with all that. To just do it. Understanding that moving into love when alive in this realm, you agree to the ups and downs that come with it. The opening of the Heart, trusting someone else makes you vulnerable and that is ok. 
It broke a life long belief in maintaining control, that being guarded means taking care of yourself, -but the drawing lines only fences you in. Understanding at last that the prison you lived in, you created yourself- out of fear!

The wake-up call, the longest of days spent in releasing pain and ego on the Shores of Forever. The dark matter withheld and carried in the darkest corner of her Heart, the Horror of walking in the shadow of Human Apathy. Remembering a Wave so strong, so tall, wiping out existence. Walking alone with the cry of all humanity in her Heart. Until she decided to stop carrying it, to put it down. To release, forgive and journey back into love, trust, joy, happiness, beauty.

Discovering the other forces. Then choosing them deliberately. Matter attraction. Or pouring your energy into where your constellations open new doors. The discovery of another expression of Venus in Cardinal Earth. Saturn in Mutable Air. Allowing the definition of astro-logy to change.

Lying on her stomach, face down, hugging Gaia, she listens to the voices coming from within. 
Telling her about the within and the without. How what is currently going on is so much bigger than we can imagine. That what we as a collective force are sending out, what we as a collective manifest, reciprocates and comes back to us. This is the state we are in. That Gaia is in. She reminds us, that she too has a core that is untouchable, unshakeable, powerful, undying, eternal, and that it too connects to the above and below, the within and the without. That some of these events too, are for her wanting, her journey, her growth as an intelligent being. That we cannot understand, because we divide everything into right and wrong, good and bad, and as long as we do so, we are limited. 
Some cycles are far wider and longer, than the tiny and short ones we engage in while in these human shapes. How everything is breathing together, moving together, intertwining, connecting, attracting and repelling.

These are the mysteries we lose out on, as long as we stay in the rational, logical world. There are so many more realms than we can possibly imagine, but they are only accessible if you can lose yourself and come into your own.

Sitting again at The Ocean that looks the same but is not. A zillion Waves, big and small, have crushed upon the shore an stirred the Waters. The Ocean and her rhythmic pulse have danced with the Winds, the Rain, the Snow. Moonlights and Sunlights. Star shine reflections. Retrograding Planets turning direct. Dark Clouds, White Clouds, Blue Skies.

The aged Woman returns to the shore. The Rocks she now carries are not in a backpack but in her blood, in her Heart and they are not a burden, but a mystery she wants to solve. She is in love with those rocks. 
They have called upon her. They are singing to her. And she has decided to sing along.
What a difference a Year makes...

 

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Camila Reland 

Tlf: +45 20 74 52 96 

​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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