Pulses and passions


I don’t know how I didn’t stop breathing. I learned to mimic the waves, out there at the shores of forever.

I listened to that rhythmic sound the Earth makes within, the echoed one in footsteps, in heart beats, in silent hums like basslines in the quiet dark nights under stars. Alone under her wings. Constantly walking up that passage. Asking. Knowing there is an adventure and a journey not yet unfolding. Waiting for the company to arrive. Blue stars and promises.

Instinctively knowing, so instinct and faith took over when other powers gave up. Like auto piloting, another force from the knowing within replaced will, ego, hope to hopelessness and just took over. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving.

Out of signs and synchs, life becomes strangely lonely. Like death and dying where nobody can walk with you. You become the one who walks where no one you know have walked before. A lone journey. Engaging in all that makes your soul sing, passionate curiosity is the kindest fellow companion replacing the true friend, trying to arrive.

There is a door within that remains closed. Knowing what is behind it, avoiding talking about it, or lingering too long there. This space in the Heart keeps the flow from being open, in synch, holding back the ability to properly write and express, engaging instead in all the square stuff. Where the Heart needn’t be beating loudly and wildly. If it does, it will undam that river inside that longs to run strong, free and forceful, to push, to flow, to well up, to live again. Those Waters goes with the pulse and the Heartbeat. Low. Slow. Steady. Carefully managed.

Is there a Winter coming or is the Summer that never came arriving at last? Having never seen such strange times, where everything that looked perfect, heat, sun, Oceanic view and journeys felt like Summer, but never really was and everyone spoke of the hardest time in their lives. The hardest times that lead to the most profound processing. Aided and guided by the flow of stellar activity within and dancing on the nights skies to mirror its splendor. The mass hysteria and the silent wisdom. Within that stretch we learned to filter out lies from truth. Or just find the one within ourselves. But grief stirs the soul and gets the best of us all. It changes us to our cores.

There is a Heart now impatiently longing to beat wild and free. To express lOve. Exchange passion and ideas. Conversations about the theory of everything. But there is still quiet. There is a memory held within the farthest corner of her sOul. Shaking it off and feeling the strength in her bones, the endurance rush through the blood that is wild and hungry. She knows she is walking with deliberate amnesia. How else can she breathe and look so fine? Noticing every slightest change of the phasing Moons dancing in the sky above her, the re-appearing constellations that tells her it’s that time of year. She goes to those liminal spaces where peace is found and allows herself moments of remembering.

Out of that time, not yet arrived. Anticipating yet another culmination soon. Speaking to those energies of the alignments, praying they will open the gates now. Longing for the River to flow. Birthing the new age. Bringing life back to life.

Aware that we may not know, yet, what greatness lies ahead. Instinctively, intuitively the Heart allows one moment of beating wildly, sensing how great it will be.

Perhaps the allowing that one moment of wild heartbeating will lead to the putting one foot in front of the other. That one step may be the greatest jOurney taking us from a to where you will be.

​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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