Compassion, Eclipse Diary


The tides ebb and flow. Many days spent in the world of thought. Just letting them come and go as the waves crash in. The Earth spins, the Sun shines stronger and brighter, the Blue planet is changing along with our consciousness. The grass is dead and the soil is dry. A small flame will burn it all down. We need rain.

The thought flow has taken me nowhere and everywhere, trying to cover up the pain in my Heart, that I couldn’t understand. In the end, when I couldn’t make any sense of it, I turned to too many others, desperately seeking advice- and I drowned out the voice in my own Heart. Everyone wants to help. And that’s a beautiful thing. It’s a blessed thing. We are walking our paths alone, but we’re never alone. But in the end, you must trust the voice in your Heart and not get confused by other’s approval or disapproval.

Hurt and pain can drown out your truest instincts, your truest knowing. The whispers of your sOul. I have been wrong so many times in my life. So, so wrong, and it has cost me blood, sweat and tears to find my way back to my path. But I know, I have made those mistakes when I didn’t listen to my Heart. Interestingly, when I risked everything and followed that voice in my Heart, I returned to lOve and jOy.

This World is an interesting place. It’s a tough journey with all this duality, emotions, barriers and learning and especially unlearning. I have pondered on this over the past while in exile; when we disturb a child’s natural impetus to do something or just be what they are, and we start either applauding or telling them off, don’t we teach them to expect approval or disapproval? Isn’t that where we lose our ways? And I wonder how that idea has made our entire system- on a mass collective laying the rules for what is socially accepted behavior and other isn’t, and we spent our lives looking for either approval and think, that is love - or disapproval and believe we have to change, do better, are not loved. I really believe, this pattern is why we have so many depressed people, mentally ill people, unhappy people, lost people.. Because they can’t feel their Heart’s desires anymore, the purpose of their sOuls and their natural impetus, the way they did when they were playful children.

I think about my own lOved one, who is struggling. How personal I take that. What a journey we have been on to come to here. How much struggle in me for feeling abandoned, rejected, lost, heartbroken, when all I really felt was fear and untrust. And he needs me to be really strong. So wherein lies the true lOve? If I had only stayed in lOve. Isn’t that the teachings of the One I have been invoking to help us through this? To heal the ancient wounds? And here we are, right in the middle of exactly that! Had I listened to the voice in my Heart, I hadn’t spent as much as a minute worrying. But such is the human life confused and disturbed somewhere so long ago, that I too can’t listen to the voice in my Heart and just be free.

So much to release tonight before this New Moon. This Eclipse. In these heavily loaded times of transition.

One thing I know for sure, is that I invoked the Blue Light in those very darkest hours. I invited that consciousness in in those rituals on those solstice points even before all of this happened. I have doubted my magic of late, but the Blue Light is in my Heart and it works absolute magic on those constructed ideas, that I should need anything else but the lOve flowing in my Heart. My Heart is One with the Cosmic Heart and knows no veils or illusions. It beats! Loud and clear! Magic invoked may not manifest straight away, but you can be sure, that if the magic is clear, it absolutely will when you need it the most. When your hour is darkest.

lOve, just lOve. Everything else is untrue.