Stockholm Syndrome


I had a soul calling to not stay in that dark place. I knew when Summer came I would need to be able to open my windows and hear the gentle breezes of wind in trees, smell the familiar scent of salt in the Air, feel my Lunar line and wield her light and conjunctions to my shifting emotional states, I would need to gaze at stars at night and sigh deeply for the wonders of the intended luck on my impossible journey I would be making possible, my soul laughing while anothers’ guitar gently weeps.

I knew I would need a lush garden, to sit under that maple tree with an earthly cigarette in my hand just to put up a barrier from the Heart screaming into eternity of injustice and pain, while finding any kind of grounding, any kind of pause from the insanity raging in my earthly being, when I hadn’t the energy to muster up strength to go to the forest.

I needed a beautiful Man in my life who’d SEE me and be there for companionship, one in touch and not frightened of his Feminine side nor mine, that we’d sit in that garden discussing life amongst the Stars while being on Earth temporarily and enduring its tedious drama and not think it strange. My Merlin, my rock in tsunamic condition.

I knew I’d need the Ocean close by to lose my undying emotions in the Waves everyday- the only place to fully breathe and be able to even exist through the time I hadn’t seen coming. Wave after wave, back and forth, back to the primordial sea till everything I had become would dissipate once again and is no more. Till I would be nothing but an empty vessel once again.

The words appear from afar, but they are soothing.. ‘The ocean, like the angelic realm, is where you have come from and where you will return. It is the source of everything. In the same way that a river feeds the ocean but dies in the process, every day your emotions feed you and need to be released. If your emotions are held onto, stagnancy occurs and you start to die. When you empty yourself, spirit can once again talk freely, and you can feel the gentle presence of your guardians and you will realize what you need to do...’ ~Andrew Smith

I hadn’t foreseen the time of dying, so sudden, right in the Heart of momentum. But my apparently my sOul knew. There are no coincidences in life. But there are unforeseen events, maybe, or is it because there are some things you should not be able to see too far down, and that’s why the vortex is neverending, and always ongoing? I can’t stop the world from spinning.

‘This is the last time I'll abandon you And this is the last time I'll forget you I wish I could

Look to the stars Let hope burn in your eyes And we'll love And we'll hate And we'll die All to no avail..’~Muse

‘May all that is unforgiven in you, be released. May your fears yield their deepest tranquilities. May all that is unloved in you, blossom into a future, graced with love.’ -John O’Donohue

May I find that path that brings me back home to myself. Amen.

​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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