As He left, others rushed in to fill the space. She is never alone. Not allowed to shut that Heart down. Though she longs to. Aches to. Getting back to familiar acts, knowing that cold so well. The familarity in shutting down. Becoming cold. Detached. Shutting down. Instead the Heart expanding. Activated. Including.
All the magic made, she now makes with others. Never alone and the days are short, though the longest apparently, time goes by so quickly in the madness of having an expiration date that seems forever away. The Masculine need for structure, plans and rules. She flows by the liquid of just being and breathing not needing to know what day it is or why.
You lose sense of everything when you’ve let go of all the structures, and time has no meaning, you only think to yourself it is a waste.
A waste of this beautiful short human time we have been granted and gifted, chosen and laid out. This one has an expiration date, so the only heaviness the heart feels, the sOul feels is the waste of separation, the massive detour, though gOd smiles and the Angels reassure her, it’s all good.
She is battling these days. Sometimes ever peaceful, sometimes enraged for being caged and bound on this dull and dense realm and having to endure human emotion. Under the spell of a Moon. But free of a body she’d excel and truly leave. Deep within her energetics is the one soothing purpose and gift for this Planet, that she utterly cares not for human dramas and emotions. So why this enslaving promise to this realm?
Sometimes she cries in frustration as she knows, she only came here for him, and his rejection of her is maddening. Imprisoning. Injust.
The collective pull of the she-part that is still carrying the irritability of impatience, as some things are painfully obvious, still having to wait for it, still trying to teach, trying to heal, trying to liberate the collective consciousness and it is maddening observing the destruction, the opposite deed by an unaware Masculine force that sees not her effort, but keep throwing her on the Fire, pleading ignorance, blaming her, accusing her, demonizing her and fearing her force, seeing not the plank in his own eye, and she finds it so hard to forgive, so hard to keep the flame for him alive in her Heart, as her chest is full of anger, full of regret, full of force to potentially burn down the ground he stands on, let it all go down in Flames, laughing madly and wildly with superiority as the Fire he has built for her merely burns her flesh, but will never even as much as leave a mark of soot on her Truth.
This karmic fury stemming from Earth and her ancient ancestral wounded line of Feminine. I mistakenly looked to my family line to understand and find that ancestral wound. I realize it may not be there. It could lie within the collective consciousness of the Earth Mother. This is Her karma we are trying to lift and shift. A deep collective wound of her psyche and history. It’s the creater-creation wound. A thought form from a past that developed in the original split.
The wound is deeper than we thought. I arrogantly thought I could fix it, and when I couldn’t I gave up. I ran away. Shut it down. Until he came along and reminded me; we have work to do. We danced to this song so long ago, now he has completely forgotten, ironically.
This wound needs the worlds' flames of lOvers to unite, forgive each other and get over their egos. We have a bigger purpose.
The Angels rush in. Those whose Hearts are untouched by this wrath. This hopelessness and despair I fall into, thinking what’s the point. Promising me that the Masculine IS rising, there IS hOpe, there is reason to stay. To keep the candle burning.
She reminds me to look in the mirror, to honor myself and my sOul for loving. To thank me. For being brave and having the courage to keep the Heart open through this time, and not shut it down. LOve is lOve regardless. lOve has no condition. lOve has no judgement. lOve sees through. LOve forgives. LOve heals. My lOve has become my prayer. It cares not for the gap of time. It cares not for deeds done in the past. It cares only for breathing and being free. Finally. And wanting to bring peace back to this realm. Where do I start? Looking to my closest. He is always part of me. Always was. From the beginning of time. And beyond that.
The light within the Dark is what we are are eventually always drawn to.
I keep returning to that. My lOve has become my Prayer. And so, I light up. As if I have a choice.