My days spent in empty time

June 17, 2018

The Heart knows her beat as certain as the Sun rises and sets upon this World every day. Of all this she is sure. She always was, it was but the continuous un-teaching of this that got her confused. She always knew certain things.

 

She knew they’d come at night and was why she didn’t want to sleep without the lights on. Silently, they’d stand there and watch her. No one believed her, so she stopped talking about it and lived her entire childhood in sheer terror for sleeping, afraid of what the dark brought. It always brought something, just as sure as when the day came to an end, then the mind and body was no longer preoccupied with other things and distractions. Now they're back and have a purpose. ~But lacks one key.

 

She always knew. Recognized things and people. Years ahead of time. It was the listening to others at times that got her confused. When she lacked faith, and began wavering, doubt and uncertainty made her look like a fool. But she always knew. If she had only listened. Some steps were silly, sure. But necessary nevertheless. She was not wrong, just time unfolded slower than what she had seen. ~She knows now too.

 

Trying to fit her life into the matrix of constructed society failed again and again and made her unhappy, thinking she was inadequate, until she let go and cared less. Stepped into her true sOul purpose and stopped trying to fit in. Liberation and freedom came. The bliss of succeeding that doesn’t come from grades, acknowledgement from anyone, salary, bonuses or wearing a nice suit and getting promoted, but from the sheer sensation of jOy flowing through her sOul for just reawakening into that mission of hers knowing that following that path will sustain every step of hers even if she can't see how right now.

 

She knows. She sees into the Hearts and minds of people. She mirrors their own truths back to them, and for those who have strayed far from it, she is seen as a nuisance, a threat even, she mirrors their own sacred feminine that wants to flow and be free and wild, and men and women without their feminine intact and integrated fear that, they make a witch of her still, or they run away from her. They think they are then at peace but in reality, all they have done is shut off their own jOy, their own lOve, their own flOw. It will not be a good life so. And the time now beckons for the fall. And so it will be. ~It is delayed already.

 

It is like the chapter in The Neverending Story where Bastian does not realize he IS part of the story, the Empress herself locates the Old Man of Wandering Mountain, who possesses a book also entitled The Neverending Story, which the Empress demands he read aloud. As he begins, Bastian is amazed to find the book he is reading is repeating itself, beginning once again whenever the Empress reaches the Old Man—only this time, the story includes Bastian's meeting with Coreander, his theft of the book, and all his actions in the attic. Realizing that the story will repeat itself forever without his intervention, Bastian names the Empress 'Moon Child', and appears with her in Fantastica, where he restores its existence through his own imagination. The Empress has also given him AURYN, on the back of which he finds the inscription ~ "DO WHAT YOU WISH".

 

She scoffs realizing that her men have always done this. Every single one of them. It is getting old. Part of an old paradigm that will not continue to have a space in this realm. The Cosmos wants unity. It is inevitable. She grew up with a father who ran away too. Planted that leaving/coming back/leaving/coming back/leaving/coming back pattern within her. 
She has spent her entire life blaming her mother, and forgiveness has haunted her, though she idolized the running Man, it took so many scared running men to forgive and be free. To release that pattern and claim and demand I AM DONE WITH IT!

 

The wound is beyond the psychology of her childhood and archetypal patterns and has no healing. It has eons of time left to correct the wrongs. It binds and pulls. And she has no magic against it. It’s not of this world and she cannot release what cannot be found in her. Perhaps this is what made her raw, ruthless, detached and cool. Perhaps they are her deepest treasures, only she doesn’t realize it yet. ~Blessed or cursed… well, it’s our time in the Universe, and we only just got to the stars.

 

‘There are so many things to feel in that empty time between the end of things and the start of things.’ 


He reminds me. The words fall into the hungry Heart and heals a little. Keeps me going.

 

I had forgotten about Rain. The warning comes suddenly in the bright lights piercing the sky and the rumbling, roaring, loud Thunder follows. He has been so long away. The Water comes, cleansing, wiping all our footsteps away. The bare foot walking. The world is wet again. She brings life. New life. Life is returning to the days after the Sun. And when his warming rays return, they will be shining on a new world where the stretching of the Summer Spirit has reached her culmination and begins to withdraw. Days turning already so. The Fall coming..

 

I fall asleep to the silent drum on my window and the hum of the water song outside, pouring water from the sky. It makes for a sweet lullaby for this tired girl.

 

‘There are so many things to feel in that empty time between the end of things and the start of things.’
My days spent in empty time.

 

 

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​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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