The Forest

May 13, 2018

Summoned. The pull inside.
No use in debating, just go. The day is calling for release, it’s the final days in this cycle, death is certain. It’s not scary or dangerous. I just feel it. And I want to make sure that everything I am done with leaves forever with this Balsamic phase.

We’ve long shifted steps in the dance from diving to the Deep end of the Waters, then jumping headfirst into the Fire, and now Gaia calls. Pulling at your feet. Be here. No where else. Just here. Something I foresaw in the near future awakening within. Something coming together for the very first time, slowly whispering her wisdom and knowing into my veins at those Solstice gates. Meeting the guardians year after year. A sentence lingers in that Air.. ‘You always meet yourself in that door, it’s always a mirror just before you die and rebirth..’

I’m at that door. I can’t go back and I can’t repeat. I can’t. There is only one motion. Running out of options. That’s what awareness does. Cuts to the bone. It pushes you on. And you realize in the slightest of moments, that which you couldn’t see all along until you arrived here.. That you really never wanted it to change, you wanted to stay bound, you wanted to not be free, and that’s why you kept repeating. Because the comfort of doing what you know was easier. The cure is worse than the disease. But you didn’t know. Until something crashed into you and made you see yourself. And horrified, identifying with pain for too long, accepting wow, I am my own monster, you wake up. And know freedom. Know lOve. And in that one instant EVERTHING changes.

Because you cannot un-knOw.

The pain in my solar plexus and those horrid images in my mind that are not mine or have to do with me dissipates in the Sun rays as I enter the body that called me. This massive hand has scooped me out of my misery and placed me here. 
‘Walk’ she says. 
I am reminded I am a slave of my thoughts, and whenever I choose I can make my mind a servant of my jOy instead. It’s all about where the mind goes. So I walk.

She does this. Healing. Here all portals are open. Everything speaks together. It’s all one breath. One motion. The abra cadabra begins. Magic is easy out here.

I call upon her, the Spirit of this place. She reciprocates, and we are one movement and everything is flowing freely. Freedom. Everything is in its right place at the right time, and I agree with it, just moving within this body of life. Here I stretch and become. This is the healing. No thoughts. No denial. No objection to what is.

I accept it all. Even the tiny snake that crosses my path. The spiders crawling up my legs. The bird of prey, the spirit watcher of mine, circling above the tallest trees that makes me the calmest, seeing her.

I ask to do the rituals and the sacred ceremonial work in the circle I found last time. The final days before the New. Acknowledging the sacredness of this cycle. Knowing this chance won’t come again in this life, this time, these constellations. The door about to close. She accepts.

That cool 13000 year old ice age water with minerals from the trees, branches, leaves, fish, rain, mirroring the Sky, in submerging to it and swimming in it, I know I am somewhere between this world and the next. I can’t see the bottom, it’s a total surrender. We both accept.

Finding finally exactly that which called me here, my Heart swells and knows, I am on my Path. The giant rocks covered in algae, almost hidden underneath the Beech trees. Someone marked greatness and the eternal boat journey. Perhaps. Feeling the force, I put my hands on the tallest rock and just engage in the energy.

One sentence leaves with me:
‘We never had to ask. We just knew. It was all in the Knowing.’

Life is. It goes on. The fear, the need for any control, lies in my objection to consider anything that crosses my path as anything but part of an organic whole and receive it with and from lOve.. Human processing and all. 
But life will go on. And I am on my path. I am. I am. I am.

 

 

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​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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