There is a space here. In it pure light. In it pure strength.
A shine is here. That light is mine. The force of that strength is from within me. I am One with it.
It surrounds me and gently pulls at the darkness. That darkness does not come naturally from within. It is but a thought form speaking directly to the opposite end of my depths. To where I have memory of interactions between people. Between energies. Between thoughts.
Memories of pain. Where I am weak. Easy to seduce. Easy to lure. Where the lies of the dark voice make sense. Cause look at the World. Look at the pain. Look at the madness. Look at the horror of being alive.
I look for them in Eternity to see their creation, but they are not of that. I look for their origin. But they have no roots in this light.
The words echo through. I have to carefully raise their vibration as they pull me down. Harsh words. Angry words. Fear. Hurt. Disappointment. I have to soothe the space they take up and gently dissolve them. Move them to another place where they have no resonance. How words are the greater toxic waste these days. The retrograde work. The contemplation.
I must sit in this Silence and sing with no words. A song of clearing. A song of peace.
In the song I see the light. I know I am lOve. I see that he is lOve too. I see his gentleness. His capacity. His light. I see we are the same. For the first time. I dare surrender and open the Heart. And let it breathe. In. And out.
I am no one. Affected by nothing. And no one. I am. All the accidents, incidents from the past, the fights, arguments, pain, the cheating, the abandonment, the hurt, the despair, the catatonic ‘wrap my hurt in a white jacket and put me in the corner’ lobotomy state is an illusion of a powerful ego refusing to surrender to lOve. To let it go. It is not happening now. Now is the time of being with lOve. An entirely different jOurney.
‘I fear flying, because I fear that the moment I really LET GO of my fear, that’s when I will actually crash!’ I cry into this Space.
lOve said to me: ‘You are afraid of letting yourself be happy! You are afraid that surrendering to lOve is committing Hubris.’
The Id-A-ngel said to me: ‘Once you let your fear go, you won’t crash, you will just be flying.. In flOw with lOve, the plane, the JOurney..’
Surrendering to lOve. I saw myself in that space for the first time, without the makeup of a thousand lives I have lived knowing fear. Pain. Loneliness. Separation.
He may lose his patience with me from time to time. But the jOurney with him is teaching me slowly, but surely, how to be lOved. Surrendering to lOve. That I am lOve. That is my practice as of today.