'When I get impatient, I am called to go deeper into my spiritual practice.'
His words ring in my memory now.
Close to giving up, following the ego notions of dullness, having landed in a limited world where absolutely every action is limited to what some other authority figure has decided I can or cannot do, because an enough large number decided collectively it is so, and thus society acts on habits instead of inspiration (me being assumptious!), I shake it off.
I can't go with that flow. I just can't.
I chose to come here, I signed the contract, signed sealed delivered, I'm here. I know who I am. Therefore I shine my light. Why wouldn't I? And why wouldn't I talk about the things I know about?
If I was an attorney, I would be (hopefully) a trustworthy translator of law. If I was a math teacher, I would be teaching about the logics of numbers. If I was Whitney Houston I would sing pretty amazing.
There's a New Moon tonight. I know about energy work. I know who I am. If anything I have learned this year, it's what energy work and healing, prayer, spells and rituals and if I narrow it down; what One single THOUGHT with aligned intention of LOVE behind it can do.
I will follow that path. When I go to work in my nice clothes and shined shoes, if I stand in line in the supermarket, when I pay my bills,when I interact with people, friends, family, go for a walk, see clients, when I am stuck in what looks like a relationship that cannot grow any further right now cause we're in the phase of raising ego to simple awareness and projecting bs on each other, I will still be doing my healing work, I will still be the Soul who chose to come here to do MY work. I will still be connected to Earthly matters, simply because they are not separate from The Cosmos, they are part of it. As is everything. Nothing is separate. EVERYTHING breathes together.
When I dance with my mission, when I see through the fallacities and dead ends of ego desires and worldy seduction and step out of the hamster wheel, I am doing my real job.
I look at the road ahead and I see, yes! there are a ton of roadblocks, construction work and detours, but I know that what seems to be the easy road, is the one that makes me dull and sleepy and lure me away from my mission here. I didn't come here to have a quiet life. Others may have. I didn't. That's why I have a dramatic life. I need and want it that way. My Soul's journey is just there. Simply. I have dramatic people in my life to mirror that. I have strong and persistent and tough and resilient people too. And the really stubborn ones!! The ones that I can really be fiery with cause I am seriously stubborn too and I enjoy some one who actually have the strength to push me out of my comfort zone, push me out of my mind and into curiousity, that's where I expand and grow. Of course sometimes it's a pain in the a** to learn you are wrong and that you need to grow, but such is life, thank gOd.
When I do my real job I am blessed with synchronistic events and happenings, that show me I am supported to every step of my path. The road appears in the same second I take the step and my foot hits the ground. That is WALKING YOUR TALK!
Angels gather round me. They come in every shape and form, whether it's a youtube video with wisdom to help raise my awareness, an old friend who calls out of the blue with a story that lifts my spirit, a book that falls on head, the Man who screams at me we're over so that I can work harder at my healing, for he is so lost in his darkness and thus reminds me of my work- yes the darkness can be an angel too, it's an absolute, if everything breathes together, the darkness is part of it too, and it's not scary, it's just lacking light!- my teacher who takes me to the one desert and sings me into equilibrium and makes me open my eyes and see clearly.
He also tells me, 'there are no shortcuts to awareness, you can't meditate yourself into wisdom, you have to DO your work!'
It's a New Moon in the early early hours of tomorrow; a portal of sorts as always.
I surrender, trust, release. I know my path. I know who I am. The more I shed that which disturbs my balance, the better. The more I acccept who I am, what I can do, the more magic life becomes. Even in the times and days when I am tested. I know in those days I am really growing and learning and strecthing to my full ability (it's like taking your Ferrari to what it CAN drive with no speed limits on the highway!) and therefore, in reality, rejoicing.
Happy New Moon!