Day 3: Accepting responsibility:
Constantly confronted with limitation. Like I said, I can’t just come out to play.
I’m in my cave finishing up on eons of ancient karma. A release that comes ONCE in lifetime, if we’re lucky perhaps twice.. So I have to do this right. This is NOT Plato’s Cave. These are the dark dungeons of Saturn, a completely different game. THIS HAS to be done. There is NO way out, until it is done.
But is the perspective linear or circular?
No wave theory will ever be able to dismiss or change the laws of this kind of physics. It’s from another dimension, you see. It bends this Universe. It has different laws to which this kind of process must obey.
We all know what happened to the caterpillar in the cocoon, when someone felt sorry for her and her struggle and tried to help her move faster… She never ever got to unfold her wings and just walked crippled through the rest of her life.. A butterfly!!!! Crippled! Through life!!!?? Wings, but never the knowledge to unfold them, cause the process wasn’t finished!
I asked him over and over to be patient with me. To understand that the key master, the task master, the strength finder, The Master Yoda of ‘Do, or do not, there is NO try!’ is NOT leaving that room in my house just yet. I have completely and carefully to finish my work, and I really don’t want it any different. Do you have any idea how long I have waited to do this special clean-up? It’s as precious as the unfathomable ways through which he and I made this constellation between us possible. The contracts signed long before any exchange of handshake on physical form.
The last of the wrath and darkness of not just my own, but every single woman who has walked this DNA before me. I understand why it is frightening. Why it makes people run away and turn their back.
It’s heavy. It’s dark. It is. I know. It's intense, violent and raw. I'm not this destructive on purpose. But the destruction HAS purpose. It was never any personal vendetta and there IS true love beating in my heart of hearts, and the only way to access it is through this cave. No earhtly sense to this kind of karmic release.
Stop trying to make me do this any faster, I really really really REALLY can’t, and there is just a small way to go now. Not long til October now. . And then I will freely, willingly be spurting out of that cave and into the bright light, and I will be done..
I was hoping for someone who was not afraid of that darkness. Someone who would keep me company while finishing up, and then!!! ready to go... cause I have light there too, so much deep love, sweetness, joy, passion and compassion, courage and bravery, laughter and life, fairy tales and Moonlight, adventure and Sunlight, stardust and magical midnight missions, forest wisdom, portal chasing and the 4 directions in my blood.
Hoping for someone who would recognize their own darkness there and see why it is so important to lift and shift it collectively. Not just for me. The mirrors are after all mirrors.
I was hoping for someone who wasn’t afraid of the dark, cause I sometimes am. Someone who will root for the light in me and see through the temporary darkness.
Luckily, that person is turning out to be me.