Running on Sunshine

These are the days you know you will look back upon with a heart full of joy, because it remembers it had a happy journey and much exchange of true love. The soul that knows it was in touch with doing at least some of what it came to do.

It’s those things that make the human you quiver with joy. Ache from passion. Jump with exultation. The things that make you realize that the bumpy rides, the uncertainty, the hard pushing yourself up, the strides in draught, the not knowing how, what, where or why, the doubt that made you stumble but not fall, trusting and persistently holding onto that underneath the doubt was a knowing much stronger, that just kept you going, all that was all worth it. Every second of it. Even the times where you thought you couldn’t do it as much as one second longer. Perhaps that is exactly the time you heed the call from your soul rooting for you to go on, go on, go on.. 'Nearly there. It has purpose, you’ll see.' Designed to make you sharper, leaner, more courageous, yet softer, gentler, more patient and then... wake up..

I’ve learned that I am that sort of person who will hold my breath until I’ve distanced myself from something too terrible to accept in the moment it happens. I will release it and be with it when I’m at a safe place. Like a pregnancy it needs time to grow and be birthed into this world. Ready. And then.. I can nurse it. Take care of it. Being that vulnerable takes time and strength.

I am blessed. I am fortunate. I will honor that today. Because it has been a rough ride. And there were times I lost faith. Wanted to give up. Times when I thought it would have been easier to walk away. I am happy I didn’t. Cause today I can sit here and smile. Feel content and happy with my journey. The experience.

The ‘ups’ that taught me to accept and enhance my happy-go-lucky nature and that it’s ok to be happy- it’s not a trick!!! and the good stuff won't go away. The ‘downs’ that taught me to hold my breath long enough to dive into the deep ends and courageously stay there until I had seen what the depths held. The journey with love and the Man that came into my life so beautifully timed, so delicately orchestrated, perfectly designed to show me exactly everything I needed to see about love, trust, egoic illusion, faith, and I still say he is the best thing that ever happened to me!

These are the days. The happy days. The days full of sweet release of the old, finally getting rid of the fake promises of recovery after grief, the illusion of what stability, certainty, safety and life is.. And just stretching into acceptance of whatever it is, this moment of the Now has for me, is exactly where I intended to be, and it is good. Life wants me to succeed, I want to succeed. Aware of whatever it is I define as success is far away from what I was taught to consider successful.

Nothing is ever wrong but the illusion of state of emergency within. That’s the tricky part. We are constantly in the middle of it. All the time. Doing our best. All the time. Balancing. All the time. And that's when we forget sometimes to be kind to each other. To root for each other. To just acknowledge, and not judge.

‘I see you. I believe in you. You can do this..!’ whatever our roads may be at the time being. Isn’t that more uplifting than those heavy extra pounds of s***load of doubt and concern we place on eachother and mistake for CARE?

I believe it is