Behind the Looking Glass


There was so much to look at.

The surprise. The awe. The laughing at whenever he raised his hand, I too would raise mine. One hand.

The numerous synchronistic events. The passionate love. The raw energetic. The fine vibration of gold threads and soul shaking earth quaking realization that we would be in each other’s lives forever. And consolation that we’d met at last. Pulled together through rare and unforeseen events.

He came. So easily. So obviously. Walked out of eternity and neverwhere, a place of forever back when, and I remembered the pact. Intellectually. Mentally. But.. He knew before I did. His odds always better than mine. I had massive walls of self preservation and protection. I refused to hear it. Every time he said he loved me, my ego died. A painful, slow death. The energy so intense, I choked on it. Couldn’t breathe. Being instantly and prematurely pulled out of ages and ages walking in the belief I was a jinx, a sister of darkness, doomed forever to reject and destroy love. The memories through eons of pain, separation, drowning, hurting through and because of love lost.

I was warned. Or was I just gently reminded? The white haired Seer on the Field turned his head as if he wanted to add to the message already given.. When you meet your Life Partner, it is always a Mirror.

The companionship. The oddity that someone thought, felt, reacted, saw life, the universes and cosmos as I did. Could add to my wisdom. As I to his. The male counterpart. But above and beyond and through all this, companionship. Fellowship.

Then he spotted the dark shadows in the mirror. Reacted with terror. The pulling away. The running away. The leaving. The hurt. The disappointment. Countless feelings of shame, shock, terror, but still the acknowledgement of whatever mirrored was to be triggered, to be healed, released, Shed. Triggered his too.

It’s when we’re done recognizing each other in the mirror and look beyond, we then really see ourselves.

It takes courage to face the demons. The walk in patience. Where one minute feels like a year. The getting back up. Still hearing the original score. The music of the spheres. That one vibration that transcends the egoic hurt and the fear. Always pointing me back to the love. And the things I saw in that Mirror. The beauty. The joy. The love. The happiness. Still knowing it kicks the demon’s ass, and we’re on the way. It’s easy to get lost in that darkness. Seductive even. Why move through it, if I can sit here and blame someone else?

See, the truth is that once the ego dies and you let go of rules, form, boxes and just surrender to the present, you surrender to the unknown. Surrender to eternity. Surrender to love. Heart expansion. Surrender. Powerful stuff, reality!

That’s what’s behind the Looking Glass. A maddening game of chess against yourself. The insideout, upside down, reversed, inverted. Spotlight on every little dark corner of your soul. Release and shed.

‘Hey..! You missed a spot!’, and you go back in.

It’s in the unknown love can grow. Flow. Be. The second you build a story around it, you bind it.

I’m learning this. To breathe. Petrified still, as I remember well my soul’s past, but learning to look ahead. One step every day. Letting it go, letting it go, letting it go. Journeying back to original love. The original state. Where I can hear MY soul sing.

Freedom and faith.

And a lot of hope, that the journey will bring us far and wide. Sometimes together. Sometimes apart. And life is long still.

But I do believe, and therefore I will win. In eleven moves.

gOd, I hope there is cake!

​© 2020 by Camila Reland

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