I wake up too early. Instantly aware of serenity. My Soul speaks to me loud and clear. I am at such peace. Then why does my mind suddenly object? ‘Am I still too young?’ Or am I orbiting the breakthrough here, and thus must put up a fight of such glory I can respect my honor or at least just honor the years of doing the same insane thing over and over, though I always had with me the knowledge and therefore opportunity to act better. Wisdom obliges. Always been my motto.
Body’s in motion. Ego determined to not go back to sleep, though exhaustion should be obeyed, craving sleep and rest, but instead staying awake in the madness and the justified anger, creating a thousand pointless stories, I get lost in. Interesting stories, entertaining even, but none of them true.
He speaks with such clarity and strength that suddenly The Babel Fish in my ear works. I hear what he has said over and over and over. Patiently explaining and just sticking to his truth. His words are not Russian to me anymore. The Dots connecting. Aha moment. Cosmic treasure hunts and jokes make sense and fall into place. Click.
I’m asked to raise my vibration to become who I am without the projections. I am both outraged, mad, pissed off, provoked and intrigued at the same time. No one ever told me what to do, I was always the clever one. How annoying for the ego, when someone calls her bluff. It’s a new experience being seen and not judged. Being loved but not imprisoned. Asked to step down from the pedestal. Hand offered, should you stumble on your way. Enough with the principles and ideals. To just be. Invited on an adventure. To freedom.
Transcendence of those emotional outbursts that are exhausting. Exchange of constant affirmation. Isn’t it where we tend to get lost and stuck? Didn’t I already know better? That this is unnecessary. Becoming a thing of just knowing instead. I see this is it, and it is hilarious to have lived for so long in a constant fear of this, battling this, when it’s all I ever wanted. The constant displays of drama and emotional reaction just to maintain a constant game of emotional satisfactory affirmation I already have. He opened the door to the karmic prison I have been locked in. Effortlessly. As if he’s been waiting for this all along. That it’s time to step up and take upon me my Soul’s mission. The dharma and the karma. Those gentle but firm pushes. And he still thinks I am perfect. Seeing it’s unworthy for me to be less than what I am. Stuck in the drama. Step up, please.
When your ego has been stripped of function. If you’ve been lucky enough to have had all your definitions taken from you. Identification with family. Your place there. The role you play. The place you lived. Your address. Your things. Letters written over years, telling a story, revealing your footsteps. What you do, what you are. All you are left with is YOU. And then that you, that you’ve carefully built up, felt good about, overly confident with, is dismissed. Excused from the excuses you keep letting get in your way.
How does this thing called life, (electric word, life), not evolve around constantly growing? Shaping and molding everything we are and turn out to be? How do we suddenly arrive at everything we instinctively knew we always were meant to slam into? Passing the great exams after those great journeys of preparation? The thrill and the excitement of closing in on target, thinking NOW is your big moment, and suddenly that physical chemical exultation is instantly replaced with a silent so great it drowns out the constant noise and inner discussion? You completely die. Becoming is then replaced by arriving at being.
‘Small, but important steps,’ he says. So ironic. To me it’s a quantum leap. Arrogance replaced by being humble.
Do we need Water, when we don’t have it? Or is it because we really don’t need it? Perhaps we've already been there. In another life with other purposes. Or maybe the understanding of emotions is for use elsewhere, for teaching and inspiration perhaps, but between each other we'd honestly rather hang out in the Forest. Translate the Air into Earth. Let the river run wild, it’s there. Always running to find back to source. The Primordial Sea. You can’t build houses out of Water.
He makes me listen to music late at night. What better way to end the day? He makes sure I know he loves me. That he sees the colors of my Soul. He reminds me that those epic scores are always there and will echo in eternity. Simply and simple. Like living life. He puts his arms secure and lovingly around me as the last note ends its vibration. We simultaneously release an exact same sound of having enjoyed and appreciated brilliant music.. This synchrony makes me realize I have no more objections. So I surrender and fall asleep. In his arms. Back to the serenity of understanding I am where I always wanted to be.
Electric word, life.