I miss the living magic I used to be able to perform.
(T)his winter has a cold and dead like grip on my spring yearning wild spirit. I want to move forward, but I know I have no tricks, no power here and it just takes time for thick ice to thaw and let the Water run smooth again. Faith must be earned, somehow. Or patiently waited for. But the illusion of Faith is a wall, a tall building with no doors. I have no invitation and thus cannot enter.
The heat from those secret looks of love would help the process. The warmth from those eyes sending liquid love through and from across any room, across space and time melting any frozen thing on its way. But I can’t remember how longs it’s been since I saw that look last.
I look now only to find the vision from behind darkened clouds and through a mist of twisted reality. I miss the liquidity.. The gold spinning and locking into mine.
The orbit pull has become my one way experience.
Somehow fear and practicality, blame, control and finger pointing replaced the burning fire that would make bold gestures, throw any caution to the wind and just be the natural flow of love. The one that’s our path, what we’re here for. Golden Years.
‘When these pillars get pulled down, it will be you who wears the crown, and I'll owe everything to you.. ‘
How do I explain him this is not a bad thing, but just another round of darkness. One more wall being pulled down. Clearing the way. The old leaving.
‘How much pain has cracked your soul? How much love would make you whole? I'm your guiding lightning strike..’
The dream of that clearing in the lush green forest. Secret and only accessible from the inside. No one or nothing can enter from the outside. The circle of trees is too thick. A whisper from this Summer’s Heart opening ceremonies that took place in a garden under a hot burning Sun.
…..A perfect round circle perfectly encapsulated and therefore hidden from the outside world by tall, old, knobby thick and friendly Oak trees on one side and on the other; deep green tall Pine trees soaking up the heat from the Air, the open space in the middle bathed in the Sunlight coming from above. You can breathe here. And be your breath. From Heart to Mouth and Beyond. Rhythmically.
No one can look inside here from the outside. You just have to arrive. And then BE here. The grass too is dark green, lush, and the scent is moist and fresh and makes this Forest an almost wet dream, so wonderfully empowering and inviting is this image sent from somewhere outer worldly although secretly only found on the Inside. In the altered state this dream’s enchanted scenery already has me in, I fold and sit. And know. I am love.
That dream was predominantly Green. A place where I felt deeply in love. He was with me already. He was with me before I knew he'd come. I knew him. I always knew him.
I am in that dream again for a second just to be reminded of the multitude of this encounter. The depth of our union. The bond. Perhaps to have the courage to remind him. He always knew me too.
‘I've traveled half the world to say I belong to you..’
A silent prayer.. Tear down the walls of doubt.
Let me love him and let him not push me away, affirming to a past fixation of his, that love hurts and I am the same woman he has always met... Only waiting for that, which will show him he is right.. Unaware of the obvious projection of the Shadow he so fears, hates, can't escape, can't change, won’t shake until he sees it’s but the shadow in him. It can and will dance to a same beat once pushed and triggered, uncontrollably. Perhaps? Ashamed and thus suppressed it wants to come out.
Let it out, let it go, let it leave. It has no power over us. It’s just darkness. Turn on the Light. Let it shine and see it is but healing. From a past that is leaving as it should. I am but holding up a mirror of awareness. It's part of the deal.
There is a clearing in the forest. You can only enter from the inside. I hope he realizes this. Cause he is already there with me... And I am waiting there.. For the Golden Years and his Winter to end. Here it’s already Spring. And Green. Lush. Alive.
I am standing here, waiting patiently until he can see me clearly again. Here. I am Love.