GRAIL 46 / DAY 5 The White Goat

I am thinking of that big horny white mountain goat that stares directly at me as I reach the top of the Venus mountain after being re-birthed. How thick the irony and how instant the test comes.

It literally has huge balls! And somehow it's wonderfully grotesque and holy at the same time. We keep our eyes locked while I approach. The big white male goat. Horny and hung!

Here in the middle of the night I am woken to be asked to meditate on the many layered symbolism, the sacred act of man and woman who enters a cave to unite in sacred sex. How it brings the entire world back on its axis. How it fertilizes and blesses everything it touches.. How that cave has no back wall but an opening to the lush valley below the mountain.

Everything is a mirror to a parallel understanding of this world. If you notice the signs.

I see.. I am trying to open the door.

I have received a big golden key. And I know the old doors behind me are shut at last. I have a key. I've unlocked the door.. I have knocked..Now the waiting comes.

The test of patience and humbleness. 11. Responsibility. Obligation. Testing. Devotion.

A word around the 12+1 dinner table triggers the wound in my heart. I let the mountains have my emotions and tears.

A heart to heart with my Teacher affirms what I already know. He has told me before. The conversation we have, his words and the vibration sends me back or in to another life. We've had this conversation before.

7 from 16 is the number of the broken heart. Ve ba Levi Yeshua.

I am ready. Open. It will be a testing day.

And I have given up and surrendered.

Day 5. Mont Segur.